did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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