Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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