I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
