i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
