I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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