Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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