Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
