When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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