you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
