so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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