Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Pants are for mortals
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
