you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
