Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
