woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
