When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
