4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
