Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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