I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
