I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
