Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
