two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
