i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just forgot I was standing up.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
