I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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