I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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