hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
