arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
