I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
