we have pet lesbian snakes
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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