can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
