if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
