I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
