my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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