Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I didn't notice because vodka
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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