you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
