I swear she didn't look like that last week.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
