the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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