i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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