i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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