I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
