you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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