I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
