why didn't you poke me back
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
