Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
