God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
