i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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