Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If I die, sorry about rent.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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