Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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