everyone is single if you try hard enough
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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