Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
