This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
