mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
