After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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