she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize