You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
this is an emotional support booty call
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
