he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
