Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
