Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
