Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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