epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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