he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
