Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
