Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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