True but thats because hes a fetus.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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