too bad you live with your parents still
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
