My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
