He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
