using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
