My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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