Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
