im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
