Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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