I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
