Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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