a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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