I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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