I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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