Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize